Murder

MURDER

 

DEFINITIONTo murder is to take the life of another with willful malice and forethought.

FACTS ABOUT MURDER:

Murder is sin.  One of the ten commandments given by God was, “You shall not murder”  (Exodus 20:13).  Murder is sin, but it is not the unpardonable sin.  You can be forgiven by God.

Murder begins in the heart.  “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander”  (Matthew 15:19).  Murder is a work of the flesh–the old sinful nature (Galatians 5:19-21).

Murder is not the same as self-defense or an accidental killing.  Self-defense is permitted by the laws of most governments.  People who killed someone accidentally in Bible times were protected from penalties.

Abortion of an unborn child is murder.  It is the termination of the life of a human being.  An unborn child is a living soul from the moment of conception (Jeremiah 1:5; Psalm 139:13-16).   (See the topic of “Abortion” in this database.)

Murder affects more than the person who was killed.  The loss of a life is most tragic, of course, but the friends and family of the one murdered and the one doing the killing are also tragically affected by this sinful act.

The New Testament definition of murder was expanded to include anyone who hates another person:   John wrote:  “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him”  (1 John 3:15).  You may not have actually murdered someone physically, but you are considered a murderer if you hate someone.  The New Testament also makes it clear that if you offend in one sin, you are guilty of all (James 2:10-11).

DEALING WITH  MURDER:

Ask God for forgiveness.  Murder is sin and, as with all sin, you must confess it to God and ask forgiveness.  If you have not physically harmed someone but you hate them, you should seek forgiveness for your hatred which, in the New Testament, is equated with murder.  These things are works of the flesh–the old sinful nature–and if you continue in them without seeking forgiveness, you will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

Ask friends and family for forgiveness.  Ask forgiveness of the friends and family of the one you killed.  Ask forgiveness of your own friends and family for the tragic circumstances which you put them through.

Make restitution.  You will most likely be required to make legal restitution by serving time in prison and you may also make restitution by providing financially for the victim’s family.

Forgive yourself.  Do not live under the shadow of shame.  Although murder is a terrible crime, your sin is forgiven and Jesus bore both your sin and the shame of it on the cross (Hebrews 12:2).

If you are a friend or family member of a murder victim, you must forgive the one who murdered your loved one.  The biblical concept of forgiveness is not just for the minor offences in life, but also for the major tragedies that affect our lives.

 

WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS ABOUT MURDER:

You shall not murder.  (Exodus 20:13)

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body (Psalm 139:13-16)

This is what the Lord says – he who made you, who formed you in the womb. (Isaiah 44:2)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” (Jeremiah 1:5)

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment…(Matthew 5:21-22)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’   But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.  And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.  If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.  You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?  And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”  (Matthew 5:38-48)

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  (Matthew 15:19)

Jesus replied, “‘Do not murder…”  (Matthew 19:18)

They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. (Romans 1:29)

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”   Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.  (Romans 12:19-21)

The commandments, “Do not commit adultery,” “Do not murder,” “Do not steal,” “Do not covet,” and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Romans 13:9)

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;  idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions  and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  (Galatians 5:19-21)

For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. (James 2:10-11)

You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.  (James 4:2-3)

If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler.  (1 Peter 4:15)

Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.  (1 John 3:15)

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.  (Revelation 21:8)

Mind and Thoughts

MIND AND THOUGHTS

 

DEFINITION:    The part of a person that thinks, reasons, feels, and remembers.

FACTS ABOUT THE MIND AND THOUGHTS:

The mind is complex.  The mind is one of the most complex and least understood parts of the human body.

Satan uses many strategies against your mind.  These include questioning the authority of God, deception, seduction,  lust, depression, discouragement, rebellion, and wrong attitudes, emotions, and motives.  Satan also accuses and condemns, causes confusion, and promotes compromise, rebellion, and tormenting thoughts like fear. Satan also blinds the minds of unbelievers.

What you program into your mind affects your thinking.  What you watch, listen to,  read, and  the people with whom you interact–these all affect your thinking.

God wants you to have a victorious mind.  He wants you to have the mind of Christ  (1 Corinthians 2:16).

DEALING WITH  THE MIND AND THOUGHTS:

Ask forgiveness for wrong thinking.  If you have been thinking negative and/or sinful thoughts, ask God to forgive you.

Guard what you see and hear.  Do not program negative and sinful things into your mind.  Do not let your mind become a dumping ground for dirty jokes and gossip.

Take control of your thoughts.   The Bible says that as believers “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Set your mind on God by immersing yourself in His Word.  Isaiah 26:3 declares: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

 

WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS ABOUT THE MIND THOUGHTS:

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth. (Psalm 26:2-3)

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Yet you know me, O Lord; you see me and test my thoughts about you. (Jeremiah 12:3)

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)

Those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. (Romans 8:5)

But we have the mind of Christ. (1 Corinthians 2:16)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  (2 Corinthians 10:5)

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults. (I Corinthians 14:20)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

Watch your life and doctrine closely. (1 Timothy 4:16)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus. (Hebrews 3:1)

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

Improper Thinking.

In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. (Psalm 10:4)

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? … But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. (Psalm 13:2-6)

The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to him. (Proverbs 15:26)

Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. (Isaiah 55:7)

Wash the evil from your heart and be saved. How long will you harbor wicked thoughts? (Jeremiah 4:14)

For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man “unclean”; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him “unclean.”(Matthew 15:19-20)

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’   This is the first and greatest commandment.”  (Matthew 22:37-38)

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  (Romans 1:21)

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires. The sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. (Romans 8:5-7)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.  (Philippians 3:18-19)

Negative mindsets to avoid.

-A carnal mind: Romans 8:6-7

-A mind alienated from God: Colossians 1:21

-A defiled mind: Titus 1:15

-A fleshly mind: Ephesians 2:3

-A hardened mind: Daniel 5:20

-A doubtful mind: Luke 12:29

-A vain mind: Ephesians 4:17

-A blinded mind: 2 Corinthians 3:14

-A seared mind and conscience: Titus 1:15

-A despiteful mind: Ezekiel 36:5

-An evil mind: Acts 14:2

-An unbelieving mind: 2 Corinthians 4:4

-A fainting mind: Hebrews 12:3

-A reprobate mind: 2 Timothy 3:8

-A double minded mind: James 1:8; 4:8

-A corrupt mind: 1 Timothy 6:5; 2 Timothy 3:8; 2 Corinthians 11:3

-A reprobate mind: Romans 1:28-32.

Positive mental qualities to develop:

-A ready mind: 2 Corinthians 8:19; 1 Peter 5:2; Acts 17:11

-A pure mind: 2 Peter 3:1

-A stayed mind: Isaiah 26:3

-A renewed mind: Ephesians 4:23; Romans 12:2

-A humble mind: Colossians 3:12; Acts 20:19

-A sober mind: Titus 2:6

-A sound mind: 2 Timothy 1:7

-A mind of love: Matthew 22:37

-A serving mind: Romans 7:25

-A fully persuaded mind: Romans 14:5

-A fervent mind: 2 Corinthians 7:7

-A willing mind: 2 Corinthians 8:12

Mental Illness

MENTAL ILLNESS

 

DEFINITION:   Mental illness is any impairment of an individual’s mental capacities that affects cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning.   Synonyms are mental disease or mental disorder.

FACTS ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS:

Causes of mental illness.  Mental illness can be caused by infections, prenatal damage, substance abuse, brain injuries, and even poor nutrition.  Heredity can make a person more susceptible to mental illness. Severe psychological trauma such as emotional or sexual abuse can also result in mental illness, as can post traumatic stress disorders.  Some mental disorders are caused by Satan, as in the case of the Gadarene demoniac (Mark 5).  Satan, of course, is behind all illness in the world including mental afflictions.

The range of mental illnesses.  Mental illness can range from impairment caused by depression all the way to full-blown schizophrenia which may render a person totally dysfunctional.

The root cause of mental illness.  As in all dysfunctions in the human body, mental illness exists in the world because of sin, but it is not necessarily the result of a person’s personal sin.

DEALING WITH  MENTAL ILLNESS:

Determine the root cause of the mental illness. If it is a medical condition–a brain injury, birth defect, etc.–then the person may not be accountable for their behavior.  If the mental illness is caused by unresolved issues, a person must be held responsible for their behavior and correct it.  Read the account of King Nebuchadnezzar’s mental illness in Daniel chapter 4.  His mental issues resulted from his spiritual condition and were corrected when he acknowledged the true God.

Acknowledge that God is greater than mental illness.  What is impossible with man is possible with God  (Luke 18:27).

Pray for forgiveness.  If a mental condition is due to spiritual issues, repent of any transgressions and ask God for mental and emotional healing.

Seek God for healing.  No matter what your mental condition, God’s power is greater.   Jesus had and still has the power to heal mental illness.  See the examples in Matthew 17:13-18 where a boy kept throwing himself in the fire and in Matthew 4:24 where lunatics received healing.

Use legitimate medical options.  Legitimate medicines are a gift from God to aid in healing–both physical and mental.  These should not be the first line of attack, however.  Prayer for healing and deliverance should be made first and, if necessary, medical options used until the healing is manifested.

 

WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS ABOUT  MENTAL ILLNESS:

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. (Isaiah 26:3)

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits–who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,  who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,  who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. (Psalms 103:2-5)

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”   (Luke 18:27)

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.  (Romans 12:2)

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, (Philippians 2:5)

Read the account of Nebuchadnezzar’s mental illness and subsequent healing in Daniel chapter 4.

(See also “Mind And Thoughts” in this database.)

Media

MEDIA

(Negative Effects Of)

 

DEFINITIONThe word “media” refers to the Internet, literature, movies, TV, radio, music, video games, etc.

FACTS ABOUT MEDIA:

Music and dance are gifts from God.  In Exodus 15:20-21 we see God’s people singing and dancing before the Lord.  It isn’t long until Satan pollutes these joyful expressions as God’s people sing and dance before an idol  (Exodus 32).

The media industry is controlled by unbelievers.  Because of this, much of the music, video games, movies, etc., contain unwholesome content and do not promote positive values.

Spiritual powers inhabit music.  When believers praise and worship God, His presence is there (2 Chronicles 5:13-14).  It stands to reason that when ungodly music is played, Satan’s presence is manifested.

Music affects a person mentally and spiritually.  Music affects the emotions and the spirit.  For example, when David played his harp, the evil spirits departed from King Saul (1 Samuel 16:23)

Many secular musicians/actors engage in drugs and illicit sex.  The reason?  Their music and movies often promote it.

Pornography is addictive and victimizes people.  The more you view pornographic material, the more you want to view.  Pornography has victims, including the one addicted to it and the ones that performed the degrading acts. Pornography can also escalate from fantasies to actual acts.

Video games, the Internet, and television can become addictive.  An addiction to anything–even a game–is not productive.  Violent video games have been linked to crimes and atrocities.

Unwholesome literature can also be addictive, and contributes nothing to spiritual growth or positive mental development.

DEALING WITH  MEDIA:

Ask God for forgiveness for participating in ungodly media.  As in the case of all sins, these are transgressions for which forgiveness must be secured through the blood of Jesus.

Do a spiritual housecleaning.  Get rid of any ungodly movies, games, or literature you own.

If you are addicted to ungodly media, eliminate all possible sources.  Some people have   disconnected the Internet and television because of their addiction.   Get rid of ungodly music, games, books, magazines, etc. (See also “Addictions” in this database.)

Establish new standards for selecting media.  Set positive standards for the types of programs and music you will view or listen to and the music, literature, or games you will purchase.   Ask God to help you make better choices.

WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS ABOUT MEDIA:

Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. Miriam sang to them: “Sing to the Lord, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea.”  (Exodus 15:20-21)

Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.  (1 Samuel 16:23)

When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes. As they danced, they sang. (1 Samuel 18:6-7)

The trumpeters and singers joined in unison, as with one voice, to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang: “He is good;  his love endures forever.” Then the temple of the Lord was filled with a cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.  (2 Chronicles 5:13-14)

I will set before my eyes no vile thing. (Psalm 101:3)

Praise the Lord.  Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens.  Praise him for his acts of power; praise him for his surpassing greatness.  Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet, praise him with the harp and lyre,  praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and flute,  praise him with the clash of cymbals, praise him with resounding cymbals.  Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.  (Psalm 150:1-6)

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of darkness. See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.  Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be completely lighted, as when the light of a lamp shines on you.”   (Luke 11:34-36)

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.  (John 8:36)

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.    (Romans 13:14)

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord.  (Ephesians 5:19-20)

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.  (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.  (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Test everything. Hold on to the good.  Avoid every kind of evil.  (2 Thessalonians 5:21-22)

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.  (Philippians 4:8)

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7)

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:15-17)

Marriage

MARRIAGE

 

DEFINITIONBiblically, marriage is the union of one man with one woman  and the relationship that exists between them.

FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE:

Fifty-percent of all marriages end in divorce.  That is why it is important to deal with marriage problems before they intensify.  (For counsel regarding divorce, see  “Divorce” in this database.)

The biblical plan is that two people become one (Genesis 2:24).  God intends for marriage to be between one man and one woman for life (Romans 7:2; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11; Jeremiah 32:19; Mark 10:9).

Be sure you marry “in the Lord.”  Believers are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14). If you are already married to an unbeliever, you are to remain with them unless they decide to depart because it is possible that you will be able to win them to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:15-16).

Do not marry someone in need of reform.  The problems that you have with them now will only intensify.  Marriage was not intended to be a “reform school.”

Pre-marital checklist.    

-Marriage should be only with the opposite sex–one man, one woman, for life: Genesis 2:18,22.

-You are required to cease dependence on your parents: Genesis 2:24.

-You must live together as one in legal and sexual union: Genesis 2:24.

-You must love and dwell with  your partner for a lifetime:  Mark 10:9.

-Believers must not marry unbelievers:  2 Corinthians 6:14-15,17.

-Be sure you have discussed and agreed on spiritual matters of faith, finances, communication, children, child discipline–every major area that will affect your union

Do not expect:

-Marriage to solve your personal problems.

-Religious differences to be insignificant.

-To change the attitudes, beliefs, or conduct of your spouse.

-That sexual passion alone will sustain your marriage.

Problems arise because of carnality.   Whether in the church, the home, or between friends and family members, problems arise because of carnality in the lives of believers (1 Corinthians 3:3).  In a marriage, problems arise most frequent in the areas of sexual compatibility, in-law problems, finances, discipline of children, and spiritual issues.

A good marriage is based on God’s will and His Word.  Unless the Lord builds your marriage and your home, you are laboring in vain (Psalm 127:1).

A good marriage is based on basic tenets of respect for your mate, realistic expectations of one another, acceptance of your mate, and an ability to forgive. Good communication is vital to a good marriage, as is a genuine commitment to one another.  Spiritual unity is most important.

God can heal all wounds.   Whether it be a small misunderstanding or a major problem in a marriage, the Lord will heal your relationship if you will let Him (Jeremiah 30:17).

Note:  Do not remain in a marriage where there is physical violence, child abuse, or illegal activities.  Many innocent partners have suffered dire consequences because they did not remove themselves and their children from such environments–including violent death or criminal prosecution for not protecting their children.

DEALING WITH  MARRIAGE:

Make a commitment to each other and to the relationship.  Do not accept excuses for a poor relationship such as: “We never should have been married in the first place”; “Our families don’t get along”; or “We have grown apart.”  All of these are issues that can be resolved on the basis of God’s Word which mandates forgiving and being forgiven.

Seek the root cause of problems.  What is causing the problems in your marriage?  Is it unforgiveness, inability to accept each other, adultery, finances, problems with in-laws, spiritual disunity, disagreements over children, sexual incompatibility, communication problems, etc?  These are some of the main problems in marriages. Deal with the root causes of the surface manifestations of marital unhappiness and disharmony.

Examine what you have done to try and solve these problems.  Has what you have tried worked?  Have you tried God’s way–including forgiving one another, praying, and studying the Bible together so you can build your marriage on the Word of God?

Ask forgiveness.  Seek forgiveness from God and from your spouse.  If adultery was involved, the adulterous relationship must be totally severed by the offending party.

Pray together.  Pray about your problems instead of fighting about them.

Study the Word of God together.  All problems in marriage can be resolved by application of biblical principles.  The question is, are you willing?.

Attend church together.  Find a Bible-believing church with a strong couples ministry where you can continue to strengthen your marriage and establish biblical goals for your marriage.

Fellowship with couples who have strong marriages.  Do not hang out with couples who fight and bicker.  Develop relationships with those who model qualities of a positive marriage and learn from them.

Agree to these standards.

-We commit ourselves to live for God and allow Him to control our marriage.

-We commit to growing together spiritually.

-We commit our finances, communication, sex life, and children to the Lord and will follow His

direction in each of these areas as well as every area of our lives.

-We will pray individually about a matter before we come together to talk about it.

-We will not discuss things in an angry, hostile, loud manner.

-We agree to hear the other person’s opinion and accept alternate views.

-We will not go to bed angry.

-We agree to forgive–not dwelling on a past offense by continuing to bring it up.

 

WHAT GOD’S WORD SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE:

Marriage relationships in general.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  (Genesis 2:18)

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.  (Genesis 2:23-24)

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. (Psalm 127:1)

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’  But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’  But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.  (Matthew 5:32)

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”  Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.  I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”   (Matthew 19:7-9)

But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Mark 10:6-9)

You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?  (1 Corinthians 3:3)

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders  (1 Corinthians 6:9)

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.  (Hebrews 13:4)

Husbands.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord. (Psalm 128:3-4)

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Mathew 5:28)

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32)

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church–for we are members of his body.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh… However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  (Ephesians 5:22-29, 33)

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19)

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her… But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:12, 15-16)

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)

Wives.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  (Genesis 2:18)

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. (Genesis 3:16)

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. (Proverbs 14:1)

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Proverbs 19:14)

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. (Proverbs 19:13)

Better to live in a comer of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9)

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (Proverbs 21:19)

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand. (Proverbs 27:15-16)

Proverbs chapter 31:  The model wife.

And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?  (1 Corinthians 7:13-14,16)

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. (1 Timothy 3:11)

So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. (1 Timothy 5:14)

So in everything, do to others what you would have them Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4)